Essays by Matthew Wilson

By Matthew Wilson For years, writing songs was where I put most of my creative energy. I wanted to get better at it, of course, but I also wanted to find people who understood why I kept doing it. That began to happen when I joined FAWM. FAWM introduced me to songwriters who were willing to share unfinished ideas, listen to one another, and offer encouragement without expecting perfection. I remember how much that meant to me. I wasn't just hearing other people's songs. I was getting to know the people making them, and some of those connections became friendships. Over time, I began wondering what it would be like to have that sense of community throughout the year. Events come and go, and people get busy. I understood that. Still, I liked the idea of a place that would be there whenever someone felt like sharing a song or hearing what others were working on. That idea eventually became Songwriting Monthly. I didn't want to build a place where people f...

By Matthew Wilson When I first became involved in songwriting communities, I was mostly interested in sharing music. I wanted to hear what other people were making, too, but I hadn't thought much about what listening itself could mean to a songwriter. FAWM began to change that for me. Someone would take the time to listen to a song I'd made and leave a thoughtful observation. They might notice a lyric or a small detail in the arrangement that I hadn't expected anyone to catch. I remembered those comments, sometimes long after I'd moved on to another song. It made me think about how I listened to other people's work. I didn't always need to have advice, and I certainly didn't need to know more about music than the person who made it. Often, I could simply say what I heard and what stayed with me. That understanding followed me into Songwriting Monthly. People share songs at different stages, and not everyone is looking for the same kind ...

By Matthew Wilson At 52, I have spent a good part of my life thinking about God, religion, and what it means to believe something. I once thought I would find my answers through Christianity. For a long time, I kept trying to make that belief fit. I've reached some conclusions since then. Traditional religious explanations no longer persuade me the way they once did. I don't expect to return to them simply because I wish I had more certainty. That's a change from how I understood myself years ago. But rejecting explanations that don't convince me hasn't answered every question. I still wonder whether there is a God, whether existence has any larger purpose, and what, if anything, happens when we die. An atheistic or existentialist view of life often makes sense to me. I can see how a person might live a meaningful life without believing in anything supernatural. I can also admit that I don't know everything. Living with schizoaffective disorder has influenced ho...

By Matthew Wilson I’ve always been drawn to things I can learn and build. Music, ham radio, and writing all give me something to explore. I enjoy the details, even when those details don't stay with me as long as I'd like. For years, I thought I could solve that problem with enough effort. I'd make a plan, develop a routine, or come up with a better system. Sometimes it helped. Other times I'd return to something I had already learned and find myself starting over. That can be discouraging, especially when the subject matters to me. Schizoaffective disorder affects more than my mood. It can interfere with memory, attention, motivation, and the way I interpret what's happening around me. Some of those difficulties are hard to explain because there may be nothing outwardly unusual about the moment. Paranoia and delusional thinking can make an ordinary situation feel loaded with meaning. The feeling itself may be powerful, even when my interpretati...